A Long December
by ProfessionalxDaydreamer
Summary: At Angel's funeral, Mark reflects on the year, and his friends. Part songfic, part drabblefic, set to "A Long December" by Counting Crows. My first Mark fic! R&R if you please...


A/n: If anyone's read Anthony Rapp's (amazing) book, you'll know that in it, he talks about going home to visit his mother, and quotes the Counting Crows song, "A Long December." Well, I decided to make it into a Mark songfic. Enjoy…and thanks, The Last Truffula Tree, for looking it over and making sure it makes sense. :D

_A Long December_

_.x._

_.x._

It was cold.

The mood, the fresh, fall-scented air, and most importantly- Angel.

Angel was cold, dead, and was currently being laid in the ground, and Mark couldn't help but wonder how it all had come to this.

Almost a year ago, they had been a happy, fun-loving, live-for-the-moment-and-don't-hold-back, makeshift family, and now they were all acting cold toward one another, the tension in the air tangible, and not going unnoticed by Mark; and possibly by his other bohemian friends.

_A long December and there's reason to believe _

_Maybe this year will be better than the last_

_I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving _

_Oh the days go by so fast_

But then again, Mark had always been the one to watch everyone around him. Mimi and Roger, despite their obviously rocky relationship, had something that- and Mark had seen it from the beginning- was, for lack of a better term, simply meant to be.

Maureen and Joanne, the more unlikely couple, had been quite elusive to Mark, at first. But now, at least when they weren't fighting, Mark could look at either of them and see the pure love for one another that seeped from their pores whenever they shared a mere glance.

Collins and Angel, of course, had been the perfect couple. Mark didn't think he'd ever seen them fight, and he knew that it was because they knew how pointless it would be- knew how trivial and unimportant fights were when lives were at stake.

_And it's one more day up in the canyons _

_And it's one more night in Hollywood_

_If you think that I could be forgiven _

_I wish you would_

It wasn't that Mark didn't like to be a part of that family- it was just that he sometimes didn't know if he actually belonged. Maureen had left him for someone whom she really appeared to love, and Mark wondered if he really was that replaceable.

It was a safer bet, he'd decided, to just stand on the sidelines and watch everything play out before him. Better to watch than to get involved, to feel something. But then again, wasn't this all perfect proof of how emotionally invested he was in all of this?

It was almost like watching a game of Chess, really- his friends were pawns, manipulated by factors like death, disease and loss- and moved by things like art and love.

But they were all making mistakes, and Mark didn't know how to tell them that. They would just have to figure it out themselves- it was the only way that they'd ever learn anything. Roger was leaving for Santa Fe right after the funeral- still jealous of Benny.

There was no doubt in Mark's mind that Roger was being selfish, especially now that Mimi needed him the most. After Roger left, Mimi would start using heroin again, and the nasty cycle would begin again.

Maureen and Joanne were being stubborn, as usual. Had Angel's untimely death, paired with Collins's current anguished expression at the casket in front of him, taught them anything about the importance of love?

Apparently not.

Mark felt a twinge of hope and a flutter in his chest as Maureen looked over and attempted a smile at him, but he pushed it away. No matter how long she and Joanne would be broken up this time, her heart would always belong to that other woman. Not him.

_The smell of hospitals in winter _

_And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls_

_All at once you look across a crowded room_

_To see the way that light attaches to a girl _

_And it's one more day up in the canyons_

_And it's one more night in Hollywood _

_If you think you might come to California_

_I think you should_

Mark smiled back tightly, and he noticed that Maureen's smile didn't quite reach her eyes. Besides, Mark knew, he'd never made the smile on her face reach her eyes. And he'd definitely never caused the agony that inhabited them now, as she glanced wantonly at Joanne.

As Maureen placed the first rose upon Angel's grave, everyone else followed suit. As soon as the small memorial service was over, Roger stalked off, leaving a confused Mimi behind. She shrugged at everyone else and tried to follow behind him, and Benny tried to follow _her. _

Maureen and Joanne eventually clasped hands, the cut in their relationship bandaged. They walked off together, both giving a small wave to Mark and Collins.

Collins, the last one. He gave Mark a small pat on the back, leaving the cemetery, but not the memories, behind.

_Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after 2 a.m. _

_And talked a little while about the year _

_I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower_

_Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her_

Mark looked around the deserted graveyard, and then back at Angel's headstone, reflecting over what a hell of a year it had been.

Maybe was true that he'd be the only one left to survive.

_And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe_

_Maybe this year will be better than the last _

_I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself _

_To hold on to these moments as they pass _

_And it's one more day up in the canyon _

_And it's one more night in Hollywood _

_It's been so long since I've seen the ocean_

_I guess I should_

Mark checked his watch, cursing as he saw the time. Alexi was waiting.

.x.

…

A/N: I guess it was more drabble-y than anything. Anyways, kudos if you read the whole thing…It didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. Reviews are always nice, though..:/


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